It seems I've reverted back to Jr. High School and anything I don't like gets described as "gay" or "retarded"... that is, of course, when I'm not cussing up a storm.
I've also realized that I'm very upset with myself.
I hate my life and most of what I go through, but I'm so very unmotivated to do anything about it. I end up just sitting and doing nothing waiting for it all to change, which naturally, it doesn't.
I feel very bad for Chelsea, i wonder sometime why it is she puts up with me... more and more lately I've had such bad days that we don't do anything anymore, I just go over to her house, put my head in her lap and pout.
And I'm extremely grateful for her, I'm just more and more mad at myself for ignoring her. I'm constantly reminding myself that she has wants and needs out of this relationship too.
She seems hellbent sometimes on helping my through everything I go through that she's often ignored. Sometimes it scares me how devoted she is to me, when I don't put nearly as much effort into the relationship as she does.
Things are looking up a bit. At least I've noticed these things and I want to work on them.
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