Black is bettter than White

It's true, the Black iPhone is better that the White iPhone, so deal with it.
my first iPhone was white, not by choice, it was the only color available at the moment and I wanted it so badly... maybe it was my subconsious that decided to wash my iPhone so I had to replace it with a Black one.
In any case my phone has finally been replaced.
funnily enough instead of just paying retail price ($650) to replace the phone it was cheaper to add a line to my plan and pay only 200 bucks for the new phone and 2 year contract...then switch the lines around so I had the same phone number....so I now have a family plan through Verizon : P
in fact to make it cheaper I got a family plan AND changed my service to a senior citizen plan.....which is weird but hey, 5 bucks less a month.
this works out fine, since I'm planning on moving in with Chelsea in a few months. plus she's looking to get rid of her ATT service and we've talked about getting phone service together...so this works out fine I guess.

In fact I was kind of expecting another anxiety attack to come on after being forced to think about getting on a cell phone family plan and moving in together, but it wasn't that bad.
a few days after I washed my phone I actually had a really bad panic attack. (not directly related to the loss of my precious Apple Product, btw). It was the first anxiety attack I'd had in close to three years, which really sucked.
it made for a terrible work day and a few really bad nights at home alone.
dealing with depression day after day for so many years has, in a way, become easy. I have bad days and good days, but most of the time I'm fine and the day to day boring life that I lead isn't interupted. But a full blown panic attack.....fuck at the best of times I was pacing back and forth my apartment crying because I needed to fix something and I didn't know what or how.

Life as a (semi)responsible adult still freaks me out, but at least I'm looking forward to moving out of the shithole I'm in and into a real apartment with someone I could be fine spending 24 hours a day with.

*cries*

Well, last night was the saddest night of my life.
Here's a breakdown.

9:30 pm: Chelsea and I left Coldstone Creamery and headed back to my apartment (I just needed to throw this part in because Coldstone Ice Cream is fucking delicious).
10:30 pm: it has been decided we shall watch a movie.
10:45 pm: movie has been picked.
11:00 pm: I decided to do a load of laundry before starting the movie.
11:06 pm: empty pockets and strip naked for to load washing machine.
11:10 pm: start washing machine.
11:15 pm: press start on movie.
11:20 pm: joyfully watching film with Chelsea. No worries.
11:28 pm: "where is my phone (iPhone 4S)?"
11:28 pm: instant dread.
11:29 pm: quickly look through every room in my apt.
11:31 pm: dread walking up to the washing machine.
11:32 pm: stop the washing machine.
11:32 pm: open the machine.
11:33 pm: found my iPhone 4S on the bottom on the washing machine sitting, totally immersed, in a couple inches of water.
11:33 pm: total breakdown.
11:35 pm: Chelsea is no longer sleepy, she's just trying to calm me down.
11:36 pm: give Chelsea the phone, start pacing the apartment.
11:38 pm: Chelsea googles things for me
11:40 pm: start frantically searching for rice. I even went upstairs and searched through my landlords kitchen frantically.
11:45 pm: Instant Message my friends frantically hoping they have rice.
12:00 am(ish): Kevin is a hero and arrives with the biggest bag of rice in the world.
12:15 am: commence drowning sorrows in a bucket of Coldstone Sweet Cream Ice Cream (this actually helps).
12:20 am: try watching a funny stand up special on Netflix (Craig Ferguson) in hopes to cheer myself up.
1:30 am: it didn't help.
1:45 am: bed/sleep.
10:00 am: alarm.
10:04 am: sorrow.
10:30 am: Ice Cream (this time it didn't help console me :( but it's still super delicious).
11:00 am - present: Sorrow.

Drunkard!!!

Actually, I'm happy that I'm the furthest thing from a drunkard ever. But that didn't stop me from getting drunk last night. I rarely get drunk, last night was the first time I'd been drunk in over a year. Sure I drink on occasion, in fact I often keep a few beers in my fridge just in case I need a relaxing night in from of a movie with a cold one. The party last night was awesome, it was definitely my kind of party. It was small, there were only about 8 of us, and I knew everyone there, one guy I had only met once before, but it wasn't hard to only have to meet one person. We all drank and chatted very comfortable with each other, it wasn't crowded or hard to feet around anywhere in the house, also there was no shitty music or half naked dancing....which, as awesome as that sounds, I've never participated in. Plus, I didn't drink too much, I drank quite a bit, got drunk, then stopped, didn't puke like some people did : ) My good friend actually got super wasted and puked in the chip bowl right in front of everybody...it was really pretty funny. I've kinda had a long week, partied three times this week, which is three times more than I have the past year. All parties I attended were for my friends who were visiting from out of state. It was super fun though, and I miss them already. Mostly I regret not hanging out with them more when they lived here.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I listen to this song on repeat.
Sometimes I listen to this song too much.

Here's the lyrics if you don't want to watch the vid
(or if you just want to see how immature the lyrics look once written down)
(or if it's because you hate Zebrahead because they're loud and obnoxious)
(mostly I just wanted to post the lyrics).

I broke down on a Japanese street
Words unsaid they scar so deep
Bullshit, Palanuik both make me choke
Too much JD, too much coke
She says speed up, I want to go faster
She holds on -- I outlast her
Build it up but what does that matter
We can build it up but we always watch it shatter

(Get up, Get up)the house is on fire
(Get up, Get up)I want to get higher
(Get up, Get up)you mother fucking liar
You make me feel alone

I burned out in Shibuya station
Lost all my friends hazard occupation
Manic Compression like quicksand slip
Ate too many mushrooms I'm gonna be sick
She says slow down, you're going through the motions
I start to crash like a plane in the ocean
Build it up but what does that matter
When the shit goes down we all fucking scatter

(Get up, Get up)the house is on fire
(Get up, Get up)I want to get higher
(Get up, Get up)you mother fucking liar
You make me feel alone
(Get up, Get up)the house is on fire
(Get up, Get up)I want to get higher
(Get up, Get up)you mother fucking liar
You make me feel alone

I never said I wanted to try
Never said I wanted to live this lie
All you said was good-bye
All I ever said was to get me out of here

I focus on the flame (Set it off)
Wasted what a shame (Set it off)
Focus on the flame (Set it off)
We were once the same
Set it off!

(Get up, Get up)the house is on fire
(Get up, Get up)I want to get higher
(Get up, Get up)you mother fucking liar
You make me feel alone
(Get up, Get up)the house is on fire
(Get up, Get up)I want to get higher
(Get up, Get up)you mother fucking liar
You make me feel alone

I never said I wanted to try
Never said I wanted to live this lie
All you said was good-bye
All I ever said was to get me out of here
Get up, Get up)the house is on fire
(Get up, Get up)I want to get higher
(Get up, Get up)you mother fucking liar
You make me feel alone

I am awesome at not doing anything.

I just want to announce that I have officially not gotten over my procrastination habits. I have not moved out of my crappy apartment yet. I have not vacuumed said apartment for at least two months. I have not saved any money like I promised myself I would (in fact I ended up putting about 300 bucks on my credit card this Christmas....yay). Also I have not even started making videos documenting my attempt to learn how to cook. Don't worry! I will still do this thing. Just...later...after I finish watching every television show ever made. I got caught by The Big Bang Theaory...and I devoured ALL OF IT. then I watched ALL of Game of Thrones (in less than 12 hours [this is impressive because all of Season 1 of Game of Thrones is about 10 hours long]). Then...How I Met Your Mother. This was a little slow going at first. But I'm most of the way through season 3 now and will very soon be caught up. Along with these...did I mention I bought the whole series collection of MASH...cause I did and it's amazing, so I've been watching lots of that. Then, just a few days ago a friend turned me onto the new British TV show 'Spy', which looks like a British version 'Chuck' ....but better than 'Chuck' because it's British. Anyways I watched an episode of that and now I need to finish it. In fact I've been watching so many damn Tv shows lately I've had very little time for movies....which makes me sad.