I Smell Like a Girl

It's true, showered in the Girlfriends shower today...grabbed a bottle of body wash called "Paris Amour"..
WTF, REALLY!??
so naturally I made the wrong decision and used it.

but let's not dwell on that today.
I'm wicked excited because I ordered parts to build a new computer!!!
I'm loving TigerDirect.com, a good friend pointed me their way and this is where I shop for geeky computer things now!
I dropped $750 (I'll be getting a $60 rebate) and this thing is going to be a beast! 6 core processor, 8gb RAM, 1tb harddrive and a beautiful video card that has a max resolution bigger than my 42 inch TV (which is actually relevent considering I didn't buy a monitor yet so I'll be using my TV with it for a few weeks at least).
besides the fact that this computer will be the best device in the history of computers*, this is also the first desktop computer I'll own...first that's ALL MINE!!!!!
I'm excited!!!
I've been without a computer for more that a week now...RIP Victoria.

*citation needed

I am awesome at not doing anything.

I just want to announce that I have officially not gotten over my procrastination habits. I have not moved out of my crappy apartment yet. I have not vacuumed said apartment for at least two months. I have not saved any money like I promised myself I would (in fact I ended up putting about 300 bucks on my credit card this Christmas....yay). Also I have not even started making videos documenting my attempt to learn how to cook. Don't worry! I will still do this thing. Just...later...after I finish watching every television show ever made. I got caught by The Big Bang Theaory...and I devoured ALL OF IT. then I watched ALL of Game of Thrones (in less than 12 hours [this is impressive because all of Season 1 of Game of Thrones is about 10 hours long]). Then...How I Met Your Mother. This was a little slow going at first. But I'm most of the way through season 3 now and will very soon be caught up. Along with these...did I mention I bought the whole series collection of MASH...cause I did and it's amazing, so I've been watching lots of that. Then, just a few days ago a friend turned me onto the new British TV show 'Spy', which looks like a British version 'Chuck' ....but better than 'Chuck' because it's British. Anyways I watched an episode of that and now I need to finish it. In fact I've been watching so many damn Tv shows lately I've had very little time for movies....which makes me sad.

Foodses

I like foods.
(hence the fatness)
But I suck at cooking. I make ramen, and lots of sandwiches and sometimes I put meat on a pan until it's no longer red.
This is about it.
My spice rack consists of one grinder with both pepper and salt in it.
So I kinda want to learn more about cooking. I want to be able to make actual meals for myself.
I dabbled with the idea of culinary school...but that's just the problem...school. I suck at school. I BARELY graduated high school, and have yet to attempt college.
So...there are a few restaurants around who do "classes"...but they mostly are hour long themed one meal classes that don't teach basic cooking.

So screw basic cooking classes.
I'm jumping right in. I'm gonna cook amazing things. And record myself doing it, cause that's funny.
And I'm going to do it Alton Brown's way! Cays his way is the best!

For Christmas Chelsea got me all three of Alton Brown's Good Eats Cookbooks.
So I'm going to make stuff from that. 
I don't plan on going all out "Julie and Julia" Style, I'm not going to do EVERY recipe EVERY day. Maybe just one video blog per week. 

So... That's the plan. 
I'm probably going to delete my movie review blog, since I haven't touched it in a few months. And start another blog that will probably just show the Videos and have the recipe listed. 
I'm kinda excited. 

Too lazy to get out of bed...I'll just blog instead.

3:30 am

I often wake up in the middle of the night. I rarely sleep well, and when I wake up I always want a drink of water. 

Sometimes I think ahead enough to put a glass on the bedside table. 
100% of the time I put a glass of water by the bed.....I drink it before I fall asleep...all of it, plus when I wake up with a dry throat I also have to pee right away. 


Basically what I'm trying to say here is...I'm thirsty. 

I'm scared. Being scared of life itself kind of sucks.

Hmmm...

Thinking about starting a new vlog,
I had the idea a few days a go when a buddy and I were talking about dreams and how you have to write them down right after you wake up or sometimes you just forget them.
So we had the idea to record yourself talking about them. I figure, I mostly fall asleep watching something on my iPad, so when I wake up. It's right there anyway, it would actually be pretty easy to just turn on the camera really quick after waking up and spouting off a few minutes about what I just dreamed about.
The biggest problem I face so far, is the fact that over the last few days I've only had really erotic dreams...nothing actually that noteworthy. Lame..

Maybe a small bit overwhelming...

I recently started reading Walden by Henry David Thoreau.
Shit, it's really intense.
It's actually very depressing to read such well written garbage from a highly educated philosopher.
I wish I could be as pompous as he was.
All this has really done so far is remind me that I don't have a very good way with words...and so I probably won't finish the book.

A Day in the Life of Jason

~WARNING~
I don't hold back. This is who I am. I am not G-Rated.
Seriously, don't keep reading if you want to keep your Image of me as a wonderful boy in your mind.


I woke up to the cat kneading his untrimmed claws on my thigh. I shoved him off the bed. I rolled over and grabbed my iPod to check the time. I was 9:45. Roughly 30 seconds later Trigger (cat) jumped back on the bed and walked straight up to my face to sniff me. I scratched his neck for roughly 0.3 seconds then shoved him away again. I then burried my face in my down pillow (IKEA) and wished I could easily fall back asleep. Trigger then made his way to the area between my legs and curled up in that awkward way cats do. There he lay satisfied for about 2 minutes. Then he got back up. And crawled onto my body. He slowly edged his way towards me until he was up on the back of my neck.
This is where we have the first word of the day. In a deep manly growl I groaned the work "fuck" in a slow drawn out moan. At the same time I quickly rolled over so that Trigger had to jump free of myself and the bed, lest he be squished like a cat under a fat man.

Trigger ran from the room towards his food dish as I grabbed my glasses and iPod and made my way to the bathroom for my morning dump.
After finishing my business and catching up on the news (Twitter and Facebook mostly) I finally went out and fed the cat. For 5 whole minutes he was quite and I was his God.

At this time I turned on my amazing 40" TV, and turned on my girlfriends PS3 which I borrowed because I have a beautiful 40" LCD TV...and she does not. For a split second I battled myself by deciding what movie to watch. Then I lost the battle and started watching an episode of Cheers on Netflix, because Cheers is hardcore, and sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name...okay!?!

at about 10:30 there was a knock on the door and a call to my phone at the same time. It was then I remembered that I promised the upstairs white-trash tenants that they could do laundry this morning. So I unlocked the door and they did that. Guh.

For breakfast I decided to eat some of my roommates bacon...cause that's how we roll. So I cooked bacon. It was kind of like heaven in a frying pan. I then decided I wanted toast with my bacon, but instead of being smart and toasting some bread in the toaster, I put it in the bacon grease coverd pan to toast them that way. Now, I have done this before...but never to the extent of his morning. There was so much grease that two pieces of bread soaked up all that it could, and there was still a lot left over.
Then I ate it. The bacon was wonderful, the first piece of toast...well it was fine, the second.....well I think I died a little, and my throat because thoroughly coated in grease. Naturally I washed it down with a can of Mt. dew And a cup of Chocolate Milk. It was a scary breakfast.

Then I texted my girlfriend naughty things while she was on her lunch break at work. Because of this I started thinking about her naked body, which is awesome btw.

Then my roommate got up and there was more Cheers.

Then around 12:30 the roommate left for work.
At this point I got out my laptop, the browser popped up and then there was DeviantArt, it seems that last night I had fallen asleep browsing DeviantArt, I had a search up for "mermaids" because mermaids are freaking cool and i've been looking for inspiration or some shit like that. Now, DeviantArt is a place where anyone can post anything....so yeah a lot of nudity, which I think is fine. Because let's face it. I'm a guy and breasts are attractive. So as I resumed my browsing of topless mermaids (don't judge, there are worse fantasies), I started thinking about sex again and promplty started imagining all the dirty things I could do to my girlfriend later.

Then I played with my Nintendo 3DS, I updated my system and successfully stopped myself from spending money on new games they updated in the DS store. Then I played Zelda and watched The Roast of Bob Saget on Netflix. This thing was pretty funny.

When my white-trash neighbors finally finished their laundry at 2pm I got inthe shower and then almost trimmed my beard (note: ALMOST...I still need to do this thing).

Then I drove to work. During my drive I listened to the latest Smodcast and thought about sex some more.
I quickly found that I was thirsty, all I had in my car was half a gallon of water which had been sitting in the sun all morning. So I stopped by the McDonalds next to my work and bought one of their new Pineapple Mango Smoothies, which was good, but not amazing.

Then went to work and drank my smoothie.
At work I sat at station 3, right next the printer. Which means two things.
1. Every lazy fuck asks you to hand them their printouts.
2. Everyone who isn't a lazy fuck gets all up in your space and sticks their ass in your face to get their printouts.
Today I was the only male in the Respose Center (except maybe the manager, but we're pretty sure he's either gay, or totally nonsexual, so he doesn't count) this meant that the only non lazy fucks getting their own printouts and sticking their asses in my face were girls.

So then I started thinking about this girls ass...but she's the most annoying person ever. So I stopped.
Then another girl walked past and I thought about her ass for a while. But then I remembered she's super gay. So then I was distracted and started thinking about my girlfriends ass again. Then I got an erection and was forced to turn back towards my desk until it went away.

You know, it made me feel really cool that I only got hard when I thought about my girlfriends ass, and not while I was staring at everyone elses. I rewarded myself by daydreaming about sex for a while.

It was soon after this (oddly enough) that I decided to write this post describing my day in detail.
It's kind of funny to me because just about every day at work I plan my nights in great detail, then I go home and never do what I planned.

At about 4:30pm, while at work. I belched. This was problematic. I'd like you all to promise now that you will never eat bacon then bacon-greased toast and then drink a Pineapple Mango Smoothie, because when you belch after. It's fucking gross.

Then there was more work.
Then work slowed down around 7:30 or so. It was a good night, in the evening there were only a few of us, all cool people. We finished all the work and then sat around and talked about lots of things. Politics, religion, premarital sex, drugs, stupid drug addicts, marriage...things like that. It was nice because we can discuss things like normal people. We can have debates about things we disagree on, but for the most part a lot of us see things eye-to-eye. (Librals)

Then I had a cool idea to text an old buddy and see if we could set up a double date like get-together this weekend cause I havn't see him in forever and I love him also his wife is pretty sweet even though I barely know her. He texted me back, he has to discuss it with his wife first...sigh. But I'm hopefull.

there was more texting with the girlfriend, slightly less sexual this time.

Then suddenly it was 11 pm. I clocked out and promptly (rushed out so I didn't have to be the one to take out the garbage) drove to Wendy's and ate a chicken sammich and a root beer float.

Drove home and listened to more Smodcast while drinking said delicious root beer float.
Got home and the roommate was watching a movie with his friend. The aspect ratio on the DVD player was off, so I obsessed with fixing it for a few minutes while totally interrupting they're special movie time. Then...after a while I gave up, so whatever. It's probably a weird setting that got changed. It'll change it later.

Then I went to my room, where I imediately stripped to my purple boxer briefs and layer in my bed. Whipped out the laptop again, and this time headed to YouTube to listen to The Book of Mormon Musical. I mostly decided to do this because I was in the middle of an odd sort of discussion/debate with a few people on Facebook about it. It seems a few super Mormons (Conservatives) don't like that two really funny fellows can write a well thought out satirical musical about religion (MORMONS).
11 Tony Awards by the way. I don't care if you don't like content. Or if you can't understand poking fun of something you respect but still think is hysterical. Or if you just assume it's mean spirited because your religious newspaper claimed it was even though you never listened to it to see for yourself. I don't care, but don't claim it's no good when it fucking dominated the Tony's.

And that brings us to the end of the day, I'm sure I missed some parts due to the fact that my memory isn't perfect. And that I can't type that much. But there it is...gonna lay in bed and listen to more music, maybe play some Minecraft, maybe think about my girlfriend and masturbate. Whatever I do it will be amazing.

Maybe if enough of you tell me not to I'll never do this again.

Sleep

My girlfriend sleeps a lot.
I'm jealous.
Last night she went to bed around 1:30 am. It's now almost 1pm and she's slept for most of that. At least 11 hours of sleep, and the only reason it won't be more is because I turned the light on and stole the blanket.
I was up until 5 am, I went to bed and laid there for at least an hour before falling asleep. Then I woke up at 8 am, then fell back asleep half an hour later, then I woke up at about 11:30, and that was a really good night. I got a little more than 6 hours of sleep.

Ugh, I'm tired and just want to sleep more : (

Drinking Game

This one made a Drinking game Meme about his life. His is silly, go look at it.

So decided to as well.

Alcohol of choice...Smirnoff Vokda I suggest Smirnoff Twisted, in Vanilla, Watermelon, Raspberry or Mango.

Take a shot if:

-Jason talks about how depressed he is (including tweets about how bad his day is).
-Jason buys a new DVD (including depression induced Amazon sprees).
-Jason quotes a movie, then proceeds to explain which movie and talk about how you should go watch it as you stare at him blankly.
-Jason buys a comic book.
-Jason buys extravagant and pointless electronics for kicks (two shots if it's a new Apple product).
-Jason complains about his girlfriends cat who lives with him.


Maybe another shot if Jason ever gets more that 5 hours of sleep a night...but we all know that's never going to happen.


On a completely different note. I woke up at the Girlfriend's place today, went to take a shower and found Suave Shampoo...this in unacceptable. Suave Shampoo is for poor people and Charlie Sheen. I demand Garnier Fructis.

But at least I'm having a good enough day that the worst thing I can complain about his how my girlfriend is using the wrong brand of shampoo.

Energy Solutions Arena stole all my energy.

The Woman and I went and saw Bon Jovi at Energy Solutions Arena last night (it will forever be The Delta Center to me). It was a great show.

Our seats were at the very top.....seriously..the very top. And those steps are steeper than normal stairs.
Made me realize I was very out of shape, which...I already knew, but now everyone I sat next to became aware.

In the end our sears didn't matter, we stood up most the concert and had a great time.

And now I blog about it on my new iPad
Because I loves it so damn much!!

Angst!!

Everybody is stupid except for me!

Update

On Jan 4th I had a bad day at work.

I had to listen to a scared lady being verbally and physically abused as she constantly pressed her panic button for help.

After the inital call I left work (because it was the end of my shift), and I didn't ever bother to find out how the alarm was closed. I didn't want to because it's emotionally hard to go back to calls like that. a few days ago I dug up the info and looked at the call. The dispatcher that closed the alarm for me called the Police Dispatch to follow up.

Aparently when the police showed up she denied he had been hurting or threatening her.

My coworker was forced to close the alarm as "False Alarm, No help needed, no abuse took place, per PD"

This made everything worse for me. I literally heard this lady beg for help and beg for her life for 35 minutes. And no action was ever taken agaist the guy abusing her.

I even advised to the police that we record all our calls. the recording clearly proves physical and verbal abuse to disable elderly man and woman. The "suspect" even announces his name on tape. but because of the lady's fear...nothing's going to happen.

I love my job, but it's situations like this that make me hate humanity.

Food journal fail.

Another failed project.
This one I'm not sad about, writing everything down that I eat was kind of annoying. Still going to watch what I eat a bit and work out. But not going to write shit down anymore.

Also I'm going to keep writing mood reviews. I'm just not going to do it full time...no real point with 5 readers. But I'm taking a small movie break, been watching crazy amounts of TV on Netflix, I finished LOST finally, watched all of Dead Like Me and I'm plowing through Weeds.

Foods and workouts

This is what I ate yesterday.

Jan 10
10:00am three scrambled eggs, a piece of toast and two pieces of bacon
10:45am one giant cup of coffee with lots of cream and honey. one piece of gum (maui melon mint)
4:00pm one ham and cheese hot pocket
8:00pm one piece of blueberry bread
9:00pm one hamburger patty chopped up and mixed with green beans.
11:00pm some cheese and ritz crackers.

Oh and I also did this...

Chest Press: 2 sets of 15 reps
Dumbbell Fly: 2 sets of 12 reps
Skull Crushers: 2 sets of 15 reps
Press Downs: 2 sets of 15 reps

Food journal.

I've been advised to keep a food journal.
I'm not going on a diet...I am however cutting back on what I'm eating as well as starting a workout routine.
Mostly I just got advised how to use all the workout equipment I already have.

So naturally I've decided to post al this info all over my internets.
I started earlier today (Jan 9th) so here it is.

Jan 9
3:00pm Two pieces of blueberry bread and two handfuls of chips.
5:00pm one peppermint patty and one beer.
7:00pm one string cheese an one bratwurst with white bread and BBQ sauce.
9:00pm one giant cup of peach tea with honey and creamer.
1:00am three pieces of grape licorice and a handful of beef jerky.
2:00am one string cheese.

Christmasy Crap.

Okay...I don't HATE Christmas...but it's not my favorite. And the asshole that I sometimes am hates that it's the most popular holiday, which mean it's most peoples favorite.
And for some reason they all get mad at me and say I need to get into the Chistmas Spirit when I grumble that radio stations start playing Christmas Music the day after Halloween.
(Hell! this year Wal*Mart put up a tree and Christmas isle the week BEFORE halloween!)

you know what I say to them....nothing, cause I'm too nice a person...but I want to shout "SCREW YOU".

As I claimed before...I don't hate Christmas. And about December 10th or 11th I start feeling like it's Christmastime. But it's not all warm and touching or lifechanging at all. it's just a time where we buy gifts for the people we love (not everyone I work with, or every person I've met this year) and spend time letting them know we apreciate them. I grew up with plenty of Christmas Traditions...and I believe I broke most of them this year, which I'm okay with.

I had I good time. I spent the morning with my girlfriend. we exchanged presents, ate junk food and had a great morning. Then I went to work, because noone else wanted to...and they paid me double-time and a half to be there....so duh.

(Then after work I drove down to Central Utah to visit my family that moved very far away.)

All in all not a bad weekend.
But lets not dwell on it or repeat it for at least a year.

Geektastic

Sadly the fact that I went to the comic book store is blogworthy news.
It was pretty exciting though. I picked up 5 back issues of the series I'm collecting for only 1 dollar.
Yeah...one dollar...five comics!!
It was exciting, I grabbed one book from the dollar bin and four from the quarter bin...then I got 50% off at the counter. It was quite exciting!!

On a slightly less geeky note, TRON is tonight. So ready for this! I have midnight IMAX 3D tickets. And I can't wait.
And before none of you berade me for going to a 3D movie, which none o you know that I hate, I shall tolerate TRON in 3D because I know it was made for 3D and not enhanced for it post production.

A letter

I'm afraid to lay down next to you at night.
I don't want to disturb your peaceful rest. You lay so still, you hardly move. This is who you really are, and I'm afraid you'll see who I really am.
I am not peaceful, I'm fully of worry and regret. It keeps me up all hours of the night. I have to distract myself. I read until I'm exhausted enough to sleep. If I didn't then I would just lay there thinking. And we know what happens to me when I think.
I worry.
I have a big imagination, but I only seem to imagine the worst things that could happen. I have a shoty memory, and I only seem to remember the worst things I've done. Everything is fine now, but I always seem to worry about everything that could go wrong. Everything that I could do wrong. Everything that I will do wrong.
I lay for hours, and my thoughts make it even longer. And when I finally drift off...I sleep fitfully. I tumble through sleep haphazardly. I disturb you. I can feel it. And it tears me up to see you wake before you're ready.
Then I wake up.
Hours before you do. You're comfortable and content. I'm afraid of rolling into you. I get up so as to not worry about trying to fall asleep again, I don't have it in me to put you through that twice a night.
When you get up, you're rested and beautiful.
I feel worse. I dread the long day, and tonight...tonight we'll do it all again.

Muffin Top

Yes, today I'm obsessing about muffin tops.
No, not muffin tops...actual tops of muffins.

For years now I've argued with countless people that the top of the muffin is no better that the bottom. They're made out of the exact same stuff, cooked for the exact same amount of time and when placed in your mouth taste exactly the same.

I lied.

The problem is the top part is totally more amazing, for totally unknown reasons.
I'm mostly just annoyed that I finally caved.
I had a muffin the other day, but I only wanted half....so I tore off the top only and threw the rest away. I'm totally ashamed by this.