~WARNING~
I don't hold back. This is who I am. I am not G-Rated.
Seriously, don't keep reading if you want to keep your Image of me as a wonderful boy in your mind.
I woke up to the cat kneading his untrimmed claws on my thigh. I shoved him off the bed. I rolled over and grabbed my iPod to check the time. I was 9:45. Roughly 30 seconds later Trigger (cat) jumped back on the bed and walked straight up to my face to sniff me. I scratched his neck for roughly 0.3 seconds then shoved him away again. I then burried my face in my down pillow (IKEA) and wished I could easily fall back asleep. Trigger then made his way to the area between my legs and curled up in that awkward way cats do. There he lay satisfied for about 2 minutes. Then he got back up. And crawled onto my body. He slowly edged his way towards me until he was up on the back of my neck.
This is where we have the first word of the day. In a deep manly growl I groaned the work "fuck" in a slow drawn out moan. At the same time I quickly rolled over so that Trigger had to jump free of myself and the bed, lest he be squished like a cat under a fat man.
Trigger ran from the room towards his food dish as I grabbed my glasses and iPod and made my way to the bathroom for my morning dump.
After finishing my business and catching up on the news (Twitter and Facebook mostly) I finally went out and fed the cat. For 5 whole minutes he was quite and I was his God.
At this time I turned on my amazing 40" TV, and turned on my girlfriends PS3 which I borrowed because I have a beautiful 40" LCD TV...and she does not. For a split second I battled myself by deciding what movie to watch. Then I lost the battle and started watching an episode of Cheers on Netflix, because Cheers is hardcore, and sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name...okay!?!
at about 10:30 there was a knock on the door and a call to my phone at the same time. It was then I remembered that I promised the upstairs white-trash tenants that they could do laundry this morning. So I unlocked the door and they did that. Guh.
For breakfast I decided to eat some of my roommates bacon...cause that's how we roll. So I cooked bacon. It was kind of like heaven in a frying pan. I then decided I wanted toast with my bacon, but instead of being smart and toasting some bread in the toaster, I put it in the bacon grease coverd pan to toast them that way. Now, I have done this before...but never to the extent of his morning. There was so much grease that two pieces of bread soaked up all that it could, and there was still a lot left over.
Then I ate it. The bacon was wonderful, the first piece of toast...well it was fine, the second.....well I think I died a little, and my throat because thoroughly coated in grease. Naturally I washed it down with a can of Mt. dew And a cup of Chocolate Milk. It was a scary breakfast.
Then I texted my girlfriend naughty things while she was on her lunch break at work. Because of this I started thinking about her naked body, which is awesome btw.
Then my roommate got up and there was more Cheers.
Then around 12:30 the roommate left for work.
At this point I got out my laptop, the browser popped up and then there was DeviantArt, it seems that last night I had fallen asleep browsing DeviantArt, I had a search up for "mermaids" because mermaids are freaking cool and i've been looking for inspiration or some shit like that. Now, DeviantArt is a place where anyone can post anything....so yeah a lot of nudity, which I think is fine. Because let's face it. I'm a guy and breasts are attractive. So as I resumed my browsing of topless mermaids (don't judge, there are worse fantasies), I started thinking about sex again and promplty started imagining all the dirty things I could do to my girlfriend later.
Then I played with my Nintendo 3DS, I updated my system and successfully stopped myself from spending money on new games they updated in the DS store. Then I played Zelda and watched The Roast of Bob Saget on Netflix. This thing was pretty funny.
When my white-trash neighbors finally finished their laundry at 2pm I got inthe shower and then almost trimmed my beard (note: ALMOST...I still need to do this thing).
Then I drove to work. During my drive I listened to the latest Smodcast and thought about sex some more.
I quickly found that I was thirsty, all I had in my car was half a gallon of water which had been sitting in the sun all morning. So I stopped by the McDonalds next to my work and bought one of their new Pineapple Mango Smoothies, which was good, but not amazing.
Then went to work and drank my smoothie.
At work I sat at station 3, right next the printer. Which means two things.
1. Every lazy fuck asks you to hand them their printouts.
2. Everyone who isn't a lazy fuck gets all up in your space and sticks their ass in your face to get their printouts.
Today I was the only male in the Respose Center (except maybe the manager, but we're pretty sure he's either gay, or totally nonsexual, so he doesn't count) this meant that the only non lazy fucks getting their own printouts and sticking their asses in my face were girls.
So then I started thinking about this girls ass...but she's the most annoying person ever. So I stopped.
Then another girl walked past and I thought about her ass for a while. But then I remembered she's super gay. So then I was distracted and started thinking about my girlfriends ass again. Then I got an erection and was forced to turn back towards my desk until it went away.
You know, it made me feel really cool that I only got hard when I thought about my girlfriends ass, and not while I was staring at everyone elses. I rewarded myself by daydreaming about sex for a while.
It was soon after this (oddly enough) that I decided to write this post describing my day in detail.
It's kind of funny to me because just about every day at work I plan my nights in great detail, then I go home and never do what I planned.
At about 4:30pm, while at work. I belched. This was problematic. I'd like you all to promise now that you will never eat bacon then bacon-greased toast and then drink a Pineapple Mango Smoothie, because when you belch after. It's fucking gross.
Then there was more work.
Then work slowed down around 7:30 or so. It was a good night, in the evening there were only a few of us, all cool people. We finished all the work and then sat around and talked about lots of things. Politics, religion, premarital sex, drugs, stupid drug addicts, marriage...things like that. It was nice because we can discuss things like normal people. We can have debates about things we disagree on, but for the most part a lot of us see things eye-to-eye. (Librals)
Then I had a cool idea to text an old buddy and see if we could set up a double date like get-together this weekend cause I havn't see him in forever and I love him also his wife is pretty sweet even though I barely know her. He texted me back, he has to discuss it with his wife first...sigh. But I'm hopefull.
there was more texting with the girlfriend, slightly less sexual this time.
Then suddenly it was 11 pm. I clocked out and promptly (rushed out so I didn't have to be the one to take out the garbage) drove to Wendy's and ate a chicken sammich and a root beer float.
Drove home and listened to more Smodcast while drinking said delicious root beer float.
Got home and the roommate was watching a movie with his friend. The aspect ratio on the DVD player was off, so I obsessed with fixing it for a few minutes while totally interrupting they're special movie time. Then...after a while I gave up, so whatever. It's probably a weird setting that got changed. It'll change it later.
Then I went to my room, where I imediately stripped to my purple boxer briefs and layer in my bed. Whipped out the laptop again, and this time headed to YouTube to listen to The Book of Mormon Musical. I mostly decided to do this because I was in the middle of an odd sort of discussion/debate with a few people on Facebook about it. It seems a few super Mormons (Conservatives) don't like that two really funny fellows can write a well thought out satirical musical about religion (MORMONS).
11 Tony Awards by the way. I don't care if you don't like content. Or if you can't understand poking fun of something you respect but still think is hysterical. Or if you just assume it's mean spirited because your religious newspaper claimed it was even though you never listened to it to see for yourself. I don't care, but don't claim it's no good when it fucking dominated the Tony's.
And that brings us to the end of the day, I'm sure I missed some parts due to the fact that my memory isn't perfect. And that I can't type that much. But there it is...gonna lay in bed and listen to more music, maybe play some Minecraft, maybe think about my girlfriend and masturbate. Whatever I do it will be amazing.
Maybe if enough of you tell me not to I'll never do this again.
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