This post is not about Steampunk.

Had a depressing sort of realization moment.
For the past 4 years or so I've actively kept contact with some very specific people.
A handful of friends I've wanted to keep in contact with. probably a total of 5 or 6 people that I continually text, or email, or call one or twice a month at least. And they've all communicated back. we hang out every once in a while...

but I've stopped now.

Part of me just doesn't care anymore. They weren't going out of their way to keep in contact with me. And so why was I putting so much effort into this. It was obviously a lot of different reasons. Some were people I just thought were really cool. others we were once really good friends. a few were people I had a really big crush on and part of that never went away.

I believe part of why I stopped has something to do with Chelsea. I a good way I guess. I've spent the last three years dating her and continually convincing myself I don't want to get 100% attached. I don't want things to get too permanent. in the last three years I've broken up with her twice.
I love her to death, and I don't want to leave her, but I never wanted to close off any options.
The last few weeks, about a month or so I guess have been both amazing with Chelsea and pretty difficult for me. But the whole time I've loved it, She's been there for me, I've I want to be there for her.

I guess I'm sort of making this a bit of a bigger deal than it is just by putting it into words. And for all I know this whole post makes no sense.
In fact I'm not going to go back and reread any of this post because I'll be tempted to change or remove somethings.

Oh, and I bought some excellent Steampunk goggles that I'm excited to mod and make super cool.