A change in style but not a whole lot else

So I cut my hair. They cut off a good 4 or 5 inches. my hair is not the shortest it's been in nearly 5 years.
And I hate it.
The salt on the wound, of course, is the worst part. I only cut my hair to make a good impression as I went in for a couple of Supervisor interviews at work. less than 24 hours after cutting my hair I found out I was not elligable for any of the positions and would not be asked to come in for any interviews.
I'm still pissed off about it

Screwed again.

It was announced at work that they were opening up a temporary Projectionist position while one of the Projectionists took 8 weeks off for maternity leave.
So naturally I applied.
It was super informal and the interview was more like a chat with the Projection Manager, which was totally cool because I get along with him great.
It seems that I hyped myself up a bit to much though.
I thought I new everyone who had applied, and out of them all I pretty much figured I had the best chance.
However I did not get the position. A Box employee just jumped out of nowhere like a Job Stealing Ninja and got the position, I didn't even know he had applied.
And I have a hard time feeling mad about the whole situation, because he's totally cool and he totally deserves the position.
However I think that the thing that pushed me over the edge on this one, is when the Projection Manager pulled me aside and told me that it was really hard for them to pick between me and him. Basically he told me I was second choice.
My issue with this is the fact that This is the third time I've been told I was Second Choice for a position I really wanted at this company.
It's really got me annoyed.
Sadly I'm looking for a new job more than ever before.

Well, I tried

Took Chelsea on an impromptu camping trip.
I got my my Wednesday shift covered at work and we left Tuesday in hopes to get back on Thursday (today).
Well we made it (almost) to the camp site I planned on. My car couldn't quite make it over the terrain to get all the way to the lake, so we found a nice spot by the creek.
Then it rained. So we set up the tent and air mattress as soon as we could. Turns out the air mattress it too amazing for the tent. The tent sides were super bulged out and we were afraid the tent was going to rip, luckily it didn't.
So because it was raining we just ate some sandwiches and went to bed instead of caring about a fire.
The next morning it was super warm and sunny and fantastic. Not a cloud in the sky, we were all alone and things were pretty great. Then I got sick : P
Constant nausea and a major headache.
We stuck around for a while. We visited the stream, Chelsea got some sun and we sketched a bit. It was super fun except that I felt like crap. In the end we decided to go home early.
So we got back last night. All in all it was good. Except I feel like crap.
Still have a headache too : (

My Showbiz History

Been a while since I've updated! saw this post from a friend and I had to do one!!!


LAST SHOW ADDED TO YOUR RESUME:
Boyz in the Hood, Played Little John as a favor to a friend

LAST SHOW YOU AUDITIONED FOR:
A Midsummer Nights Dream, in a class in high school

DID YOU GET IT?
Got the part of Bottom because everyone laughed hysterically when I used my "donkey voice"

LAST SONG/MONOLOGUE YOU USED AT AN AUDITION:
"Fat Temple"

FAVORITE MUSICAL(s) EVER:
HAIR!!

FAVORITE PLAY(s) EVER:
Harvey,

FAVORITE ROLE YOU'VE PLAYED, AND FROM WHAT SHOW?
Clyde, from The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. I got to smoke a fake cigar and shoot things from my real slingshot onstage!

FAVORITE ROLE OVERALL THAT I WOULD LOVE TO PLAY:
At this point...Anything Shakespeare that would be good for a fat man!!

SUPERSTITION:
DO NOT whistle backstage or before a show! if you do then Mrs. Fields will yell at you A LOT!!!

YOUR GOAL IN SHOW BUSINESS:
Finally direct my play : ( plans fell through last time : (

FAVORITE DIRECTOR YOU HAVE EVER WORKED WITH:
Fieldsy! my best teacher EVER!!

WHAT WAS YOUR VERY FIRST SHOW?
The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. I was Mr. Beaver

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A DANCE SOLO?
yes. In the King and I.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SINGING SOLO?
no...thank goodness

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THE LAST PERSON TO TAKE A BOW?
yes. It was cause I missed my cue to come out...I bowed after the directer...but it was ok, he's still my friend.

HAVE YOU BEEN TO NEW YORK?
Yes, but I was on a tour with the Boy Scouts of America so I didn't get to go anywhere cool

HAVE YOU BEEN TO LA?
Drove through it once.

WHAT'S THE SCARIEST PART OF AN AUDITION?
Ever ytime without fail my throat gets dry right before I stand up in front of them

WHAT'S THE BEST PART OF AN AUDITION?
auditions suck....not a lot good about them unless you get the part.

NAME A SHOW YOU WOULD NEVER DO AGAIN:
Boyz in the Hood. it was locally written and we only did it so we didn't have to pay royalties.
not to great a show

NAME A SHOW YOU COULD DO FOR YEARS:
don't really want to do a show for years

WHAT ARE YOU AUDITIONING FOR NEXT?
might audition for something locally here soon. But I'd really like to direct my play : (

DO YOU KEEP IN TOUCH WITH PAST CAST MEMBERS?
a lot. mostly cause I knew them in High school

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW IMPORTANT IS GETTING PAID?
Never been paid to do a show

SOMETHING EMBARASSING OR UNEXPECTED THAT HAPPENED TO YOU WHILE ON STAGE?
Opening Night of Midsummer... I jumped up on a platform and my modified bell bottom pants slit right up the seam leaving a hole a foot long. I was so nervous I changed all my blocking to face that side of my body away from the audience and I flubbed a few lines.

WHO IS THE MOST DIFFICULT PERSON (ON STAGE OR OFF) THAT YOU HAVE EVER WORKED WITH?
THat dumb lady in charge of some costumes in Beauty and the Beast! I about keeled her!

WHAT IS YOUR ONSTAGE PET PEEVE?
actors not being loud enough : P

WHAT IS YOUR BACKSTAGE PET PEEVE?
Stupid actors or stage crew being in the wings in everyones way when they don't need to be there

EVER BEEN NAKED ONSTAGE? WOULD YOU?
never had...and depending the circumstance... it's possible

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KILLED?
No...I was one of only two characters that survived in Deathtrap!

BEEN DRUNK?
two characters have drunk alcohol on stage... never drunk though

PLAYED SOMEONE HALF YOUR AGE?
nope

PLAYED SOMEONE TWICE YOUR AGE?
when I was 12 Mr. Beaver easily
The Frior and the Sexton in Much Ado about Nothing
Porter Milgrin in Deathtrap

CRIED?
Cried in The King and I...everyone cried...

FIRED A GUN?
nope...set a bunch up for Deathtrap though

BEEN DRENCHED?
nope

BEEN IN A DREAM SEQUENCE?
nope

BEEN KISSED?
by six girls...all at the same time In Midsummer!

Surreal and Depressing

Life is surreal and depressing.

I live in my parents basement.....and truth be told I go crazy if I'm there to long talking to people. I spend very little time there during the day. I try to keep all conscious hour in that house confined to the middle of the night so they're all asleep.

I work at a movie theatre.....and while I'm not at the bottom of the ladder it seems that it's becoming more and more difficult to move up. I make 8.50 an hour for Christ's sake! And by the end of the year they're dissolving my position. So I could either move up or step back down and with more and more rungs being taken off the top of the ladder I'm afraid I might have to get off the ladder and try a new one.

I owe money.....to a bank and I haven't been paying it off for a year. Also the bank I've been going through has handed me a credit card/loan that I have kept maxed out for the past 5 months or so. I'm paying my parents more than half of what I make each month and living paycheck to paycheck and it causes a lot more stress that I'd like it too. this also doesn't help when my car gets sick and I have to go crawling to my father to help me get it fixed.

I argue with myself daily.....and yes the therapist has told me to stop it. apparently it's not healthy. I worry constantly about things out of my control. I worry constantly about things that are in my control I'm just too lazy or unmotivated to get around to fixing them. I struggle constantly with the fear that no one loves me while in a crowd of people that all want to ask how I'm doing and what I've been up to. I worry that I'm not a good friend or an inadequate boyfriend while receiving texts and messages asking when I'm free to hang out.

I'm tired of being tired.....and I've finally given up trying to go to bed on time. I'm sick of laying in bed for hours trying to go to sleep. So I run myself ragged until I collapse and sleep through work or an appointment.

I go out of my way to avoid going home.....even if I inconvenience a friend and ruin plans for the day.

I have so many wonderful colours running through my mind. So many stories......I've stopped trying to share them with the world. I can't ever seem to get it right.

I envy everyone. even the people I hate.

SSDD

Well last weekend was fun.
Went down to southern Utah and visited with family for a while.

It was good. I relaxed a lot and spent a lot of time by myself. I got a fair amount of time to write and sketch.

Also got back in touch with quite a few relatives I haven't talked to in ages.

All in all. It was fun. It was good for me. And now I'm back to doing the same thing I always do.
I sleep. I work. I make out. I play video games.

All in all not to bad right now.

Vacation

Luckily I got the three days off work this weekend.

So I'm going to St. George with my Dad.
I think it'll be good for me. I haven't had any sort of vacation for almost two years.
Also it'll be nice to spend more time with my Father whom I rarely talk to anymore. And less time around my mother who lately has been annoying me worse than uptight mormon housewives.....oh wait...

Well we leave Friday morning and I'm glad it's just going to be the two of us. I'm a lot more open to my Dad any of the rest of my family.

I get back Monday morning.
You know it's funny because I feel like going out of town for a few days will mean I'll miss out on hanging out with people or something equally amazing....but I realize that even if I stayed I'd be doing the exact same thing I have been so... that's dumb.

Expounding a Little,,,

A really good friend of mine has me worried.

I saw her again for the first time in a few weeks.
I'm a bit less worried than I was. But I'm still scared for her.

And I hate spending too much time dwelling on her and her lifestyle.
I am no-one to judge. I have my own past and present issues that can make you cringe.

I just worry for her, because she seems not to be at all.

Worried

One of my best friends has me really worried.
She's been going through a lot lately.

We've been really close for a while.

I'm really worried about her.

The Psychoticmilkman has arrived!

I officially own my own small piece of the internets.

as of a couple hours ago I purchased www.psychoticmilkman.com

Nothing is on it yet so don't bother going there. But within the next couple of days I should have a few things.
And eventually my blog will go there and my e-mail will run through there. I'll be starting a film review site and and a few other things. Also a comic which I am currently drawing.