Black is bettter than White

It's true, the Black iPhone is better that the White iPhone, so deal with it.
my first iPhone was white, not by choice, it was the only color available at the moment and I wanted it so badly... maybe it was my subconsious that decided to wash my iPhone so I had to replace it with a Black one.
In any case my phone has finally been replaced.
funnily enough instead of just paying retail price ($650) to replace the phone it was cheaper to add a line to my plan and pay only 200 bucks for the new phone and 2 year contract...then switch the lines around so I had the same phone number....so I now have a family plan through Verizon : P
in fact to make it cheaper I got a family plan AND changed my service to a senior citizen plan.....which is weird but hey, 5 bucks less a month.
this works out fine, since I'm planning on moving in with Chelsea in a few months. plus she's looking to get rid of her ATT service and we've talked about getting phone service together...so this works out fine I guess.

In fact I was kind of expecting another anxiety attack to come on after being forced to think about getting on a cell phone family plan and moving in together, but it wasn't that bad.
a few days after I washed my phone I actually had a really bad panic attack. (not directly related to the loss of my precious Apple Product, btw). It was the first anxiety attack I'd had in close to three years, which really sucked.
it made for a terrible work day and a few really bad nights at home alone.
dealing with depression day after day for so many years has, in a way, become easy. I have bad days and good days, but most of the time I'm fine and the day to day boring life that I lead isn't interupted. But a full blown panic attack.....fuck at the best of times I was pacing back and forth my apartment crying because I needed to fix something and I didn't know what or how.

Life as a (semi)responsible adult still freaks me out, but at least I'm looking forward to moving out of the shithole I'm in and into a real apartment with someone I could be fine spending 24 hours a day with.

The Man Cave

Well, I moved out of my parents basement.
Of course I didn't really have a choice.

I opted out of following my parents to the center of the state. Where I would have to commute 2 hours to work.

I good friend of mine and I found an apartment together. And to be more specific...it's not an apartment. It's a basement. In fact we've pretty much deemed it "The Man Cave."
600 bucks a month gets us 1000 square feet, two bedrooms, one bathroom, and a living area, with a stove and a fridge. No kitchen sink...that's the big thing. but we survive with the bathroom sink and occasionally going upstairs and borrowing the kitchen.
We're renting out the basement of the condo owned by a really nice middle aged couple.
Also our carpet is a super terrible 80's red and green plaid design.
It's pretty hardcore.
All in all I like it. Not the perfect Man Cave. We don't have a separate entrance so having company come over is sometimes awkward walking through the upstairs living room. But it's a nice place. Somewhere I can hang my posters and display my movie collections (even the rated R ones).
It's been a month and things are going pretty good.

And I'm liking my job pretty well too. been there almost six months now. Nothing permanent, but it's stable and not too hard. It can get a little intense sometimes, but it's rewarding and I seem to be getting the hang of it more and more. I hate being on the phones, but it's not a traditional phone job. We speak over a custom made Emergency Medical Alarm box and speak with Emergency Services all day.

I also discovered that my eyesight isn't as awesome as I always thought. after a few weeks starting the job I got bad migraines that took days to go away. Found out it was eye strain and I got some glasses. it's a pretty week subscription (in fact I often forget to wear them) but aparently starring at dual computer screens 8+ hours a day will teach you somethings about your eyes.

on the plus side I've started reading more again.
My eyes don't get as tired the more I read anymore.....huh.

I went out a picked up a copy of The Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis, it's a book I've always figured I should give a chance but never figured I'd get around to. But why not, I was feeling particularly rich and it didn't cost that much. But then, once I started reading it I found it hard to put down...and it's not a hard read, or very big even. read about half of it in an hour or so, then a couple days later took a couple more hours and finished it off.
I don't personally know much about C. S. Lewis, but the topic of Christianity and Temptation were obviously subjects he studied quite a bit. Definately something he knew a lot about abd out a lot of thought behind. I'm not a very religious person, but I'd probably consider myself Christian. and reading The Screwtape Letters was probably the closest thing to a religious experience I've had in a couple years.
The ideas and he brings forth about the function of the Devil and his Demons is very entertaining as well. The book definitely makes you think, Which is exactly what I was looking for.